


lucky to have you

by never_bloom_again



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode: s01e04 Plain Sight, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Derek Morgan, Insecure Spencer Reid, Insecurity, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, So the jeid date is discussed, but there is no jeid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28657458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/never_bloom_again/pseuds/never_bloom_again
Summary: The humiliation of being rejected at all hurt more than who had actually rejected him, Spencer knew, but did Derek really have to rub salt in the wound?
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 8
Kudos: 116





	lucky to have you

When Spencer found out that JJ had invited Penelope along to the Redskins game with them, his heart broke slightly. She was the first person he had ever asked out, and she had for whatever reason agreed, despite Spencer being only himself and her being an intelligent, beautiful woman who was so unbelievably out of his league. He wished she had just rejected him upfront, rather than turning up with Penelope, not even bothering to tell him in advance.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Penelope - even though she was loud and vibrant and kind of the opposite of Spencer, she was nicer to him than anyone he had ever met - he thought it was impossible not to like her. It wasn’t even that JJ specifically had rejected him - she was pretty and kind and was the only one who called him Spence, but honestly, he wasn’t even sure how much he liked her in any way but as a friend - there were people he liked more (well, there was one). It was more the general rejection, and not even that - just the fact that he couldn’t even ask someone out successfully - not even with coaching from Hotch and Derek.

Derek. Spencer, after coming back from the bathroom where he had quickly retreated after seeing Penelope, was already planning to pay him a visit. Derek was supposed to be his friend! Although it had originally been Gideon’s idea for him to go out with JJ, Derek had supported the idea from the moment he found out about it - _ Go on, Pretty Boy _ , he would encourage, _ she likes you! It will be fun, y'know? And anyone would be lucky to have you! _

It had backfired, horrendously. He would make sure Derek knew that, too! Spencer could forgive Gideon and Hotch for their parts in the whole ordeal - both were as out of touch with dating as Spencer, given Hotch had been with the same woman since high-school, and Spencer wasn’t sure Gideon had dated since his wife.

Derek, on the other had, seemingly took home women every other day! He could get a woman’s number with just a look, he was flirted with constantly - he knew what he was doing. Despite that, he deluded Spencer into thinking he had a chance, that there was any chance of JJ, or anyone, liking him. Spencer had trusted him, and clearly he was wrong to.

Spencer was on the bus home - having declined a ride from JJ and Penelope, staring blankly out the window and fiddling uncomfortably with the fabric of his pants, when his phone buzzed. He ignored it at first, stuck in his own head, until his need for distraction got the better of him.

Derek had texted him. Of course. Spencer could already tell that it was sure to be some teasing remark sure to only make himself feel worse about everything, yet he was clearly a masochist of some description, because he opened it anyways.

**Derek Morgan:** sooooo pretty boy!!!! howd it go?? if you dont answer ill assume it went VERY well ;p

The message lived up to Spencer’s expectations. Derek knew that Spencer had no plans to do anything like that! Not on his first date, not when he hadn’t even kissed anyone before! It was just taunting him, and making Spencer feel insecure and inexperienced.

It was unbelievably tempting to ignore the message, but a mix of not wanting to be rude, and not wanting Derek to assume anything untoward was occurring between him and JJ prevented him from doing so. He didn’t want to give away just how much of a disaster the date had been, or how humiliated he felt, though. Derek, despite Spencer’s current disdain for him, was cool, was someone Spencer wanted to like him, to not think he was totally horrible and useless.

**Spencer Reid:** It was fine.

**Derek Morgan:** just fine?! you are coming over now to debrief, okay?

No. It was very much not okay. Not remotely. Not in the slightest. But Spencer would, because he couldn't say no to Derek, even when he  _ really _ wanted to.

**Spencer Reid:** Okay, but can you pick me up from my apartment, please?

**Derek Morgan:** of course, man!!! B)

Even more anxious than before, Spencer tried to return to staring out the window after placing his phone back in his bag. His fingers tapped out rhythms on his leg as attempted to keep calm. He just wanted to get home, to not have to see Derek, or anyone.

The dreary weather as he got off the bus and headed for his apartment did nothing to improve his mood. Spencer wished he could go back and say no, but it was too late now. Derek was sitting in his car listening to music as Spencer approached, and for a moment, when he looked at him, the humiliation and anger of the day seemed to wash away.

It couldn’t, and didn’t last forever though, as it only took Derek speaking for Spencer to be reminded of exactly why he just felt so horrible.

“So man, how’d it go with JJ? Surely better than just fine!”

Yep. That was it.

Clearly Spencer looked about as great as he felt, because Derek seemed to do a double take as he looked over, and his expression verged on apologetic. Taking pity on him, Derek let the car ride go by in an uncomfortable silence, as he waited for Spencer to say something.

Spencer was aware it was probably rude of him to be giving Derek the silent treatment when he most likely couldn’t have known better (although Spencer still didn’t entirely trust that he hadn’t been set up for failure), but it was easier than talking about it. Which Derek had already expressed his plans to make Spencer do in their brief texts.

“Hey, uh, Spencer, do you want me to put Clooney out? I know you don’t really like dogs....” Derek offered as they pulled up to his house, breaking the silence.

The offer was so kind it almost made Spencer feel guilty for being mad -  _ almost. _ He shook his head, and followed behind Derek. He hoped Derek could tell just how little he wanted to be there. 

“So how did it go?” Derek asked as they sat down on his couch. Spencer still hadn’t said anything, only nodding quickly when he had been offered a coffee.

“She invited Penelope. I… I don't think she knew it was a date - or wanted it to be.”

He watched as multiple emotions flashed across Derek’s face. Shock. Pity. Confusion. Relief?

Why would Derek be  _ relieved _ that his date didn’t go well? 

“Pretty Boy, I’m so sorry… I really did think she liked you - we all did.”

Spencer was used to lies and liars, but Derek? He didn’t sound like he was lying. His anger faded at that - maybe he needed to try trusting that sometimes things went wrong, and it wasn’t someone else setting him up for failure.

“Why would you think that, Derek? Unlike you, I’m not really a catch, or the kind of person who is liked by women, or anyone.” Spencer took a break to breathe deeply - he shouldn’t be getting so worked up. “I don’t think anyone could like me that way.”

He hadn’t meant to reveal quite so much to Derek, but there was something about him, something that just made Spencer want to tell him everything, that made him feel comfortable and safe, despite all the unpleasantness he had felt towards Derek mere moments ago.

Looking up from his lap, where he had been staring at his hands as he fidgeted anxiously, Spencer was shocked to see that Derek’s eyebrows had risen and that his jaw had slightly dropped.

“I’m sure that's not true, you’re a great guy - I know there is someone out there who likes you.”

Shaking his head, Spencer looked away from Derek once again, not noticing the nervous smile on his face, or that he too had averted his gaze.

“You don’t know that.”

“I- uh,” Derek couldn’t seem to get his words out, and that prompted Spencer to actually look at Derek, and disbelief took over.

It had to be wistful thinking, a misinterpretation of what he was seeing. It didn’t make sense for Derek to… to be talking about himself.

It was too good to be true.

“I know someone likes you, Spencer, because I like you.”

“You do?” Spencer said, his voice high-pitched and squeaky. Derek Morgan liked  _ him _ ?

It left Spencer with more questions than answers, mostly: why would Derek take such an active role in trying to set him up with JJ? Surely Derek had to know that Spencer - like just about anyone - wouldn’t say no to going out with him.

“Yeah kid, I’m sorry, do you want me to take you home now?”

Hearing Derek talk, being so sweet and kind and generally, amazing, had caused Spencer to have a revelation of his own. 

Derek’s feelings were definitely not one sided, and he had no plans to have any part in any more rejections today.

“No, but, um,” Derek looked at Spencer expectantly as he tried to get out what he wanted to say, “could you kiss me?”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! i hope you enjoyed :) let me know what you thought!!


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